My Dating Chronicles

I’ve been single for almost 4 years now. I was in a serious relationship for about 2 years but I ended things with my boyfriend when I felt he lacked empathy. He was also Mexican like me but if we are being honest here, I think he was a closet Republican and I would never be caught dating a Republican. His parents were immigrants just as mine and he would make comments that would just piss me off about how he was working his butt off and “these people” were not paying their fair share. I would try to reason with him but I just got so tired of his comments that I broke things off with him. It was hard for me to finally say I’ve had enough and break things off because if I’m being honest he was the 1st man I said I love you to.

I loved my college boyfriend too but I never told him because that 1 night he stayed over my dorm room that I planned to tell him, I made a romantic dinner and had everything planned. We were dancing cheek to cheek to that 1 Titanic song that I couldn’t muster up my nerve to tell him I loved him. We were together for about a year and half or so. I loved him because he was so sweet, caring, romantic, and made me laugh.

I will always remember him because he would write me poems all the time in Spanish. I still have those poems somewhere so now every time I write something in Spanish I think of him. That night we had a romantic dinner in my dorm room, I made some kind of pasta and he spent the night. I don’t have many regrets in life I prefer not to have them so I’ll rather say it was a miss opportunity. We had been together for some time and we would say “te quiero” which is different from saying “te amo”. I thought if he really cared about me why hadn’t he said it, why did I have to be the first one to say it. After that Celine Dion song ended I said let’s keep dancing because I was still trying to say “I love you” but in the end I chickened out. He spend the night and we continued to date. I remember it being Fall/Winter when I felt we were bickering too much and I said we needed some space. Well me saying that ended up with us not getting back together. It was shortly after that with the breakup, stress of college, not sleeping or having an appetite that I had my first manic episode.

Did you ever watch How I Met Your Mother? Well now there’s a spinoff “How I Met Your Father” and in the trailer it shows Hilary Duff’s character Sophie saying how she’s been on 80’some Tinder dates. It made me think of my dating life, I’ve been on way too many dates myself. I have been on a number of dates where I meet the guy on a dating app. I’ve had my share of great dates, okay dates and more often than not a date I would rather not repeat. When I started a relationship with my ex I was so relieved to not be out there anymore I didn’t miss “the dating scene”. I didn’t miss it at all because you know what? Dating sucks! It’s way too hard and it’s too much work to put yourself out there get excited when you do make a connection and then somehow the stars not lining up and it fails. In most instances either he likes you and you think he’s just okay or you’re really into him and he never calls or texts again. I’ve had a number of dates where you know it’s not headed anywhere and I just want to walk out but why the fuck am I too nice and just can’t do it. Someone once told me I need to more of a bitch but I don’t know if it’s in me.

I’ve gone on a lot of dates over the years, I never kept tabs of how many but it wouldn’t surprise me if the number was up there. I was set up once by my friend’s brother in law. He was sweet even showed up with roses to dinner but I didn’t feel attracted to him and apparently my success and goals intimidated him.

I’ve had horrible horrible dates, where I just want to get the hell out of there. I had one date where the guy did not crack a smile the whole time. I felt like I was being interrogated for a job interview with the 20 questions and the funniest thing was when I asked him if he had children he wouldn’t answer because he said that was too personal! Can you believe that? He walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again and I told him I just wasn’t feeling it.

I had a date where I should of called the police on the guy for harassment. I think I’ve journaled about the incident but I don’t think I have a blog post about it. The guy was from Mexico City (ugh he really gave them a bad name) and we met at a bar of his choice. When I got there he was joking with me about how he had an app that allowed him to change the music at the bar/restaurant. We were in a typical American bar and he changed the music to some banda song. He thought it was hilarious and I wasn’t impressed.

Somehow the topic of our conversation went into immigration. I know I know, big no no to discuss politics especially on a 1st date. The way I remember it he stated that anyone that immigrates to the United States needs to learn English. I told him yes it’s great if they know the language but although my parents know some English they aren’t fluent. I told him my parents came to this country for a better life and once they got married all they accomplished was for their daughters and all our successes. So although they didn’t finish school they had dreams of a better life for their daughters. I was not attracted to him and I was upset I wasted my Friday night, I should have said something just bitched him out.

At one point of us going back and forth in our discussion of immigration and his “you should know English if you live in this county” he paid his tab and walked away. I laughed and thought whatever, I decided to finish my meal and drink. I told the waitress what a douche he had been and told her what happened.

A few minutes after he walked out he started sending me messages on the app. I don’t recall everything he said as this was years ago, but he called me fat and told me I should kill myself. He actually told me I should hang myself! Can you believe that? Thankfully I was in a good place in life at that moment and I didn’t let his words faze me at all. I went to the bathroom before leaving the restaurant and when I kept back out he had returned and was sitting at the bar. I really wanted to go up to him and tell him off so badly or at the very least go spill his beer on him but I ended up being the bigger person and just walked out. You know what the worse part was? He was a father to a young daughter. I feel for her and I don’t even know her. I should have called the police that evening, taken a screenshot of all the horrible messages he was sending me. It’s been years since that incident but just last year I still found him on a dating app and reported him telling them how he harassed me on a date because I don’t want any other woman to go through what I did.

I will tell your another story. I was real good friends with a bunch of people who mostly worked at an insurance agency I was employed at. We were all working at different locations but knew each other from meetings and we started hanging out all of of a sudden. We added 2 other friends that didn’t work with us and we would go out for wings and beer, bars, hanging out, etc. I remember 1 night of the 6 of us 4 of us woke up the next morning passed out in my living room from drinking. Mind you we were in our 20s.

Initially I didn’t have feelings for this one friend, when I 1st met him I was into his friend who was the one that got him the job. I kind of thought he was a dork but he would text me and we would talk and I got close to him.

I don’t know at what point things just changed and we were both attractive to each other at the same time. I remember he was with me one night my 1st year of teaching, he and I went to the movies with my best friend and her brother. Well I shouldn’t have gone out because I had to work on a speech for my Kindergarten graduation the next day. Well turns out we went to see a horror movie and stayed out way too late. We got back to my aparment and he helped me a bit with my speech. He spend the night on 1 of my couches and the next morning I read the speech to him and my mom. I was crying, I was just so teary eyed because I was so proud of my students. Remember this was my 1st year of teaching so I was beaming with joy!

He was such a good friend, the one I would vent to when I had a bad day or the one I would turn to and say “tell me a joke”. Initially I was afraid to even kiss him because I didn’t want to risk messing up our friendship. The day we slept together he came over after a night of our group of friends hanging out with some bogus excuse for being over.

After we slept together I ended up throwing him out of my house. Do you know what he told me in bed after just having sex with me? Me, one of his closest friends? He told me that he was moving in with someone. We had just had sex! We were just cuddling in bed and like 5 minutes later he tells me this. I thought I heard him wrong so I asked him to repeat himself, he said it again. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was so upset I started yelling and crying. I wanted him gone, I didn’t want to see his face, I just remember being so hurt and upset I told him to get out that I never wanted to see him again. Like who does that shit?

Years later we ended up going out for a drink, but it took a lot of time for me to get over what happened. I remember going into some office supply store he was working at while going to school and I got so nervous because I wasn’t ready to face him that I somehow covered my face and switched lines. Years later I would have a drink with him. Why did I have a drink with him? Again because I’m not enough of a bitch and I have a hard time seeing people exit my life.

We met up at a bar I use to frequent and he was going to treat me a drink. So that night we met up and I ordered my drink and we were catching up. He was going to close his tab and I told the waittress to add another beer to his tab. Not only was he once a douche he was a cheap one too so I knew he wasn’t going to like that. Have I mention how I hate cheap people? If you don’t have money stay home! Anyway after he paid he supposedly had a call to take. I finished my beer and told the waitress he’s not coming back he got upset I had him buy me 2 drinks. Sure enough he didn’t return. I just finished my beer and left like nothing. He didn’t reply to my text that night until a few days later with some bullshit excuse but by then I was done with him. That’s the last time I saw him.

I have been single for a big part of my adult life. For awhile in my 20’s I was still such a shy gal trying to find myself, my strengths, and self confidence. I was also very dedicated to school and then my career as a teacher. Once I started teaching it took up most of my time and then it took me a few years to get my Master’s degree so dating was always pushed down on my list of priorities especially when it just seemed when I did go out nothing would come of it. It seemed I just went on one date after another at times losing a little of myself each time when things didn’t work out. Either I was into him and he wasn’t into me or vice versa. I felt dating was too much work so for awhile I just went through a hook up phase.

There was a guy a few years ago who I went out with a few times. He was handsome, successful in his career, Latino,(Spanish speaking which I love), family oriented, tall (like super tall) and he was a great father from what it seemed. I was a little heavy at that point and I remember he would say he didn’t mind at all. He was sweet and really into me. We talked for a few weeks maybe a month or so but there was a problem. He lived primarily in Michigan. When we started talking he said he had a home in a Chicago suburb and he came to visit his family every other week and was thinking of moving back here so that’s why I kept talking to him. But things didn’t work out because he either had his daughters for the weekend or ended up having to work a Saturday so he couldn’t drive down to Chicago from Michigan. When I think back on it now I wonder if I gave it enough of a chance maybe I should of been more patient but really was it going to work when we lived in different states? I ended things with him because a few weeks went by without us seeing each other for one reason or another.

I guess he started dating someone else right after me and I would learn later that they even got engaged after sometime. I tried being friends with him but that was a dumb idea when I was still attracted to him and he was dating someone else.

Out of the blue some time later he replied to a text I had sent months earlier. It turned out he was single again. We texted and talked about making plans to meet up. We flirted a lot and I couldn’t wait to see him, the feeling seem mutual. One day we made plans to see each other but he hadn’t replied to my text about meeting up later that evening. He called me and he told me that he had something to tell me and it was best to say it over the phone instead of with a text. He told me his ex had come by the evening before and they were getting back together. I’m like what? He’s like I’m sorry, you’re great and all but I still love her and want to give it another chance.

Something that bugged me for a long time and I wish I had asked him was how long was he single before he decided to text me? I often wonder if he texted me after just a few days or a week of being broken up. He was flirting with me big time so I really thought his ex was in the rearview mirror so when he told me all this I was so disappointed.

I had thought here we were given a 2nd chance to try to make things work even if it was long distance this guy was really into me and he didn’t mind that I was thick as hell. He use to say “thick makes the world go round” (whatever that means) I just knew he didn’t mind my extra pounds. Before I could make any plans with him my hopes of being anything to this man disappeared. I was left heartbroken.

Let me tell you one last dating story. Last year I matched up on Bumble with this guy. We chatted on the app for a few days and when I felt comfortable enough to give him my number. I broke my own dating rules when it came to him because up until this time I thought I don’t mind kids I actually preferred dating someone with children because I’m not going to have any of my own. I made an exception for him because I usually just talk to guys who have no more than 2 kids, he has 3. We started talking last year probably around April I remember because I was finally fully vaccinated. He was Latino, Salvadoran to be exact worked in hospitality and I looked forward to his texts. We talked 1-2 times and FaceTime another, but mostly it was just text. The one time in the beginning he wanted to go out I was sick and the other time we made plans after months of talking he had a work meeting that was ending later than usual and would be at work early the next day. We texted for months without meeting.

I lost my abuelito last Summer and he consoled me. He had a lot of great qualities and from the very beginning he would send me pictures of him and his kids. They were so cute! I fell for his kids as much as for him. He would tell me about his outings with them and I thought what a great father he was. Most weekends he was either with his kids or working so this is something that made it challenging to meet up. We talked for months telling each other about our days and me making fun of him because he had a hard time relaxing, it seems he always had to be doing something. We were talking just fine and then one day he just stopped replying to my texts. We didn’t get into an argument or a fight or any kind of disagreement since he had an iPhone as well I would see that he read the message but that was it, I was getting ghosted and I didn’t even know why.

This bugged the hell out of me because I want to know why. Like why can’t you tell me what changed and why you no longer want to talk to me. I ended up texting him he was a great guy and I wished him luck so then I’m like peace. I stopped texting and I don’t know what became of him. But you know what he did is immature. Like why are you giving me the silent treatment? Say something, anything! Ladies regardless if you’re single or in a relationship doesn’t it piss you off when you say something to him and he doesn’t reply at all. It’s happened to me with a few guys, like everything is going nice and swell and then I just stop hearing from them. Like couldn’t you tell me “hey you’re great but this isn’t working out for me”. Like I said say anything, say something, I’m a big girl, I can handle it.

I have a few dating apps on my phone but my go to is Bumble. I just like it because the selection of men seems better (like they have their shit together) and I love the fact that the conversation won’t start unless I message the guy first. This sure beats getting unwanted messages from guys I have no interest in. It’s been months though that I’ve really made an effort. We are still in a pandemic and after being ghosted late last year I just needed a break from the dating world. I’m happy being single right now, yes there’s been moments I feel lonely and just want someone to cuddle with and call me bonita but I’m happy with the current relationship I have going with me, myself, and I. I have a number of things going on in my life and a number of goals for this year. I have hopes of changing careers and I started volunteering for a nonprofit whose goals are dear to my heart. I’m also currently working on becoming more comfortable in my own body so maybe I’ll go back to dating apps sometime soon but for the time being I’m okay with being single.

Before I end this blog that turned into a reflection of past relationships instead of dating in general, I just want to say if you are a person in a relationship the last thing your single friend wants to hear is “It’ll happen when you least expect it”. I hate when people tell me this because I’ve heard it way too many times! I swear the next time someone says this to me I’m going to scream! I’m not just waiting around for Mr. Right, I’m living a great life, traveling, and taking the time to smell the flowers, and most importantly doing what makes me happy. So don’t give me this corny line for the love of God. Or what’s the other one “you have to love yourself before someone else can love you” Like hello I know I’m a badass bitch, I’m awesome and I have a lot to offer so no that is not the problem either. So if you’re reading this and in a serious relationship please don’t say these things to your single friends. Just don’t, trust me.

I have a lot more to say on the subject of dating but I will end my post here. I was trying to channel Carrie Bradshaw with this post as I hadn’t discussed dating in any other posts. I’m sure my conversations with friends will give me the inspiration to write on the subject more often. In the end just remember the most important relationship you have is with yourself!

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